I’m gonna be a mommy!

I never wanted kids. Ever. I pictured myself being free forever, just traveling the world, by myself, living life to the fullest.

As of September 13th, when I saw my grape-sized baby for the first time, everything changed.

I’ve fallen in love.

When I first found out, I was sort of terrified, of course. But through much prayer and support over the past few weeks, I’m nothing but excited at this point. I’ve gone from “Please Lord wake me up, this has got to be a dream” to thanking Him and praising Him every day for this incredible blessing!

Andrew and I are both very blessed to have extremely supportive family and friends. Though this isn’t the best timing, the situation couldn’t possibly be any more perfect. There is no one I would rather be having a child with, I know he’ll be an amazing dad.

Our baby was conceived out of love, and will always be surrounded by endless amounts of love. I am so thankful for and excited to meet him or her!

Sleeping Lessons

“…But you, lazy bones, how long will you sleep? When will you wake up?”

-Proverbs 6:9

A few months ago I had a dream in which I was driving on a long, uphill road. I began getting sleepy, it started with a yawn and within just seconds I was fighting to keep my eyes open. Just as I saw my destination in the distance, I couldn’t fight sleep any longer, so with my foot still on the gas pedal, I laid my head against my seat and fell asleep.

And then I woke up.

Given some of the other dreams I had prior to that, it worried me. A lot. As well it should have. It was a perfect blue print of what my life was about to look like in the spirit realm.

At first I was very careful to be on my best defense against the enemy, and always aware of what was happening around me in the unseen. But as time went on, the enemy began to do what he does best: to seek out the one area I wasn’t defending. He found that spot on me, and he took full advantage of it. At first a yawn, and before I knew it, I was fighting to keep my eyes open. I began to fall asleep to the voice of the Lord. Instead of fighting back and claiming the victory that was within sight, I just gave up. I unconsciously entered in to a deadly peace treaty with my sworn enemy.

I realized that I wasn’t feeling His presence anymore, but my enemy had convinced me that it was ok. That it was just temporary, and there was no need to take action or fight, because eventually it would work itself out. That I was just in a dry spell, but eventually I would snap out of it, and things would be back to normal.

The worst part about making a compromise with your enemy is that you forfeit the ability to recognize him as an enemy. If my heart had been right, I would have easily known his voice and seen through his lies.

But thanks be to God that there is grace! And that when one of His sheep strays, He comes after us! He will not leave us or forsake us! When we are weak, He gives us the strength to fight! Victory is already ours, if we just wake up and claim it!

We have to stay on our guard everyday against the enemy. He’s coming to steal kill and destroy, and he will do it if we don’t stop him. And if you are ever unable to come into the Lord’s presence, that is NOT okay! Something in your heart isn’t right, and you have to fix it, no matter how many times the enemy tells you not to worry about it. He will stop at nothing to keep us from hearing God’s voice. But there is Victory in Jesus’ name! You have been given authority by Christ himself to overcome the enemy, so claim it!

All that to say that we serve a freaking awesome God! Oh how He loves us!

P.S. I’m extremely blessed to have people in my life who challenge me and call me out. God has given them eyes to see into my heart, so that they can recognize the things that I don’t see myself. Praise Him!

To Be Or Not To Be… Carnivorous.

Around this time last year I decided to become vegetarian, and recently I’ve started reconsidering that decision…

While I do hate cruelty towards animals, that wasn’t my main reason for becoming vegetarian. I had been reading up on the health benefits and was impressed, so I decided to give it a try.

These are some of the facts that convinced me:

• Too much protein (especially animal proteins), can cause your body to get rid of calcium, leading to osteoporosis. In fact, the average bone loss in a carnivorous woman is literally twice that of a vegetarian woman at the same age.
• Too much animal protein can also put a strain on your kidneys. & Studies have shown that the average carnivore is in fact consuming too much protein.
• Meat is also devoid of fiber and complex carbohydrates, and instead is full of saturated fat and cholesterol (aka the ingredients for clogged arteries and heart attacks).
• In a series of comparative endurance tests conducted by Dr. Irving Fisher of Yale University, vegetarians performed twice as well as carnivores.
• Pythagoras, Socrates, Plato, Leonardo Da Vinci, Isaac Newton, Voltaire, Benjamin Franklin, Gandhi, Albert Einstein: All vegetarians.
• On a separate note; one third of the fossil fuels used in the U.S. go to raising animals for food.

So you may be wondering, “After all that why are you reconsidering?”.

WELL, while those facts all sound good, the reality hasn’t been so charming:

• I have gotten sick more times in the last year than I did in the first 17 years of my life, and I can’t help but connect it with my diet change.
• I have discovered a love for cooking, and while it has been kind of fun having to go on long journeys trying to find recipes for food that I can eat, so many recipes that I want to make and cooking techniques that I want to learn are centered around meat of some sort.
• I haven’t lost weight or felt especially healthier since becoming vegetarian.

So in the end, it has been a good experience, but I don’t think the vegetarian thing is for me. I can eat meat and still be healthy: It’s all about moderation.

One Body

1 Corinthians 11:17-18
In the following directives I have no praise for you, for your meetings do more harm than good.
In the first place, I hear that when you come together as a church, there are divisions among you…

It breaks my heart to see the Church so divided. Jesus made it so simple: Live as He lived, go into the world preaching the gospel, worship  God, abide in His Spirit, love God with everything in you, and love others unconditionally. He even taught us how to pray!

This begs the question: When did “being a christian” become so complicated? More importantly WHO made it so complicated??

I don’t even know who created all the different denominations we have today, and quite frankly, I don’t really care.

However, I do know that this division has been a problem since the days of the early Church:

1 Corinthians 1:10-12

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.

My brothers, some from Chloe’s household have informed me that there are quarrels among you.

What I mean is this: One of you says, “I follow Paul”; another, “I follow Apollos”; another, “I follow Cephas”; still another, “I follow Christ.”

Ultimately, there is only one person that we should be following, and that is Jesus.

Matthew 10:5-6

These twelve Jesus sent out with the following instructions: “Do not go among the gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans.

Go rather to the lost sheep of Israel.

This is one of those verses that I believe has multiple meanings/applications, but the one that relates to this particular post is this:

Those who are already saved are the example. Therefore, in order for the Church to be reaching the amount of people we should be, we first have to make OUR hearts right, and be in unison. Only then will we be in a good position to minister to others.

Mark 3:24-25

If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.

If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

I’ve been a big part of the problem myself, which is why I keep saying “we” rather than “they”.

My parents somewhat recently started going to an orthodox church, and I handled it horribly. I was first of all a little confused (both about the orthodox services/traditions and about the sudden change). Then it went from just confused to kind of angry/mean. I would ask them questions that weren’t even so much questions as challenges/attacks. I was skeptical of everything concerning orthodoxy, not because there was anything wrong with it, just because it was orthodox.

I’m far from proud to admit all that, it’s actually quite embarrassing, but God uses even our worst moments for His glory. So if someone can learn something from this, then it’s worth being embarrassed about.

And Mom & Dad, I officially apologize for being so foolish and so horrible to you both. I hope you can forgive me. I love you!

I thank and praise God for softening my heart and letting me see more clearly!

1 Corinthians 12:25-27

So that there should be no division in the body, but that it’s parts should have equal concern for each other.

If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Different people have different ways that they worship God, it’s not a matter of right or wrong, just difference. And it’s certainly not anything to become divided over. We as the Church need to respect one another rather than criticize or condemn.

My hope for the Church, (& It is my belief, based equally on His Word both written and spoken, that this vision is in line with God’s), is that someday there will be no division; That we wouldn’t call ourselves baptist, presbyterian, methodist, lutheran, catholic, orthodox, charismatic, etc. but simply followers of Christ; That we would do the best that we can to live like Christ lived, and to walk in Spirit and in Truth; That we would give freely of everything that we own, and love unconditionally; That our lips and our hearts would be constantly praising our God, and praying for our brothers and sisters; And finally, that His kingdom would be greatly increased daily. (Acts 2:42-47)

Whether or not this will happen while we are still on this earth is completely dependent  on the individual people that make up the body of Christ. We must start by, at the very least, respecting each other despite our differences. Only then will we have a chance of becoming truly united as one Church.

Are We More Afraid Of Jesus Than Demons?

When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an evil spirit came from the tombs to meet him. This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him any more, not even with a chain. For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones. When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? Swear to God that you won’t torture me!” For Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man, you evil spirit!” Then Jesus asked him, “What is your name?” “My name is Legion,” he replied, “for we are many.” And he begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area. A large herd of pigs was feeding on the nearby hillside. The demons begged Jesus, “Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them.” He gave them permission, and the evil spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned. Those tending the pigs ran off and reported this in the town and countryside, and the people went out to see what had happened. When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid. Those who had seen it told the people what had happened to the demon-possessed man–and told about the pigs as well. Then the people began to plead with Jesus to leave their region. As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.

Jesus cast the demons out of this man, and the people were so afraid of JESUS that they begged Him to leave them alone!

That seems crazy, but it happens every day. People see the amount of power that Jesus has and they are afraid to touch it. We are called to be like Christ, yet how often do you see a Christian healing his sister, or casting demons out of his brother? Jesus says that He has given us authority to ‘overcome the enemy’*, yet there are still spirits of anger, depression, sickness and death prevailing on earth.

Why is that? Because the majority of the church is skeptical, or afraid of that kind of power and responsibility.

Why isn’t God fixing it himself? Imagine if you gave your child a glass of water, and (with the glass of water sitting right in front of them) they kept asking for a glass of water. That would be ridiculous. Why would God do something that He has already given us the power to do ourselves?

It’s insulting to act as if Jesus’ only purpose on earth was to die. He lived to set an example for us, to show us how to live. Jesus performed miracles while He was on the earth, fully intending for us to follow His example after He was gone. Unfortunately, most of our lives don’t look anything like His.

“These signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.”**

What’s the moral of this blog? You are the bride of Christ, and He has given you the coolest wedding gift ever. Don’t be afraid of it. Trust Him. He would never do anything to harm you.

I hope this all makes sense. I’m not the best at explaining things, they almost never end up making sense outside of my head. :p

*Luke 10:19

**Mark 16:17-18

Also, ignore the “possibly related posts” below. They are automatically generated, and aren’t at all related to this post. I just can’t figure out how to make them go away…

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

God is so amazing in how He always provides for needs right in the nick of time. I’ve reached the amount of money that I need for Malawi! I feel dumb saying ‘I’ there, because it really wasn’t me at all. It was my mom who gave me the idea for the photo thing, so many amazing people who gave so generously of their money, and most of all my incrediblebeyondwords Abba who wove everything together so perfectly! I just have so much to be thankful for right now! 

So THANK YOU to everyone who helped support me whether through funds, or through prayer, or both! I appreciate all of you so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

May God bless you all!

This Month

Wow, it’s been almost a month since I’ve posted anything new. I guess I haven’t been really inspired enough about any one thing to write a blog. So here’s what’s happened in the last month:

The Rescue on April 25th went great. We walked the streets of Nashville singing and chanting and telling everyone we saw about the children we were walking for. Some people seemed genuinely interested and some even joined us for the remainder of our walk! We were fortunate to be rescued very early at about 8:30 the first night. Chicago was the last city to be rescued, on May 1st, by OPRAH. I am SO proud of the people who stuck it out in Chicago, they were hungry and tired and dirty, but they refused to give up because they knew this was about something so much bigger than themselves! They made a huge statement, and because of their strength and diligence, all of America was informed about this war via the Oprah show!

I’m almost done with school and I still have no idea what I’ll be doing next year. I’m really considering L’Abri in England, but nothing is for sure yet. Strangely enough I’m not too worried about it. Basically, I don’t have a clear picture of where God wants me. I don’t think it’s a good idea to commit to anything yet. That way when He shows me where He wants me, I won’t have anything holding me back. I’ll be free to do whatever it is He wants me to do. And that’s what is most important!

In 1 month and 8 days I will be leaving for Malawi and words can not describe how excited I am! There have been multiple nights where I’ve started thinking about it and looking at pictures from last year and I’ve gotten so excited about going back that I couldn’t go to sleep that night! Also, I have been SO blessed by the generosity of the people who have supported me, thank you all SO much!

10 days ago I went to see the new X-Men movie, and afterward I had a few hours to kill so despite the lightning, thunder, and pouring rain, I walked around Cool Springs barefoot and it was AMAZING. It feels so great when you see other people freaking out running with their umbrellas from stores to their cars, and you just kind of laugh to yourself. It has an awesome feeling of freedom and empowerment to embrace something everyone else fears.

Well that’s it for now but hopefully I’ll start posting more frequently. God bless you all!

Lord, Give Me Eyes To See

For quite a while now, I’ve been slowly but surely distancing myself from my youth group. A lot of decisions have been made that I disagree with. And lately, every time I have gone, I’ve felt completely uncomfortable, like it’s impossible to focus on God. So I just go when I feel like seeing friends, but that’s about it.

I’ve been praying about it a lot lately, and I just really felt like I was supposed to go to Fusion last night. Even when my mom reminded me that we had to go over an hour early. Even when I lost track of time and realized we had to leave in 15 minutes and I wasn’t at all ready. I still went because I so felt like I needed to.

When I got there I started praying for Fusion, and asking God for guidance in the situation. After much prayer and listening He showed me what was wrong. Once I was able to recognize the problem, I was able to put it aside and could see much more clearly. I went inside the Fusion room where the band was practicing and continued to pray for Fusion, specifically that God would be there, rid us of all our distractions, help us focus on Him, and speak wisdom through whoever was speaking that night. I can honestly say that I felt God there for the first time in months. He had been there the whole time, I just couldn’t see it because I was blinded by the fact that things weren’t going the way I thought they should.

Then Diane Cobb “just happened” to tell the story from Luke 24. Three days after Jesus was crucified, two of His followers are walking and begin telling this “stranger” about how Jesus had just died and how they were disappointed because things didn’t turn out the way they had thought they would. Then they all sat down to eat together and their eyes were opened and they saw that the stranger was Jesus. He had been with them all along, but they couldn’t recognize him because they were so blinded by the fact that things didn’t go the way they thought they should.

God is good!

The Rescue

There is a war going on in Africa right now. A war that has been going on for 23 years, making it the longest and most neglected war in Africa. A war that can be traced back to the 1800s when Uganda was first colonized by the British. A war that was started by a rebel army now known as the LRA (Lord’s Resistance Army), lead by a man named Joseph Kony who is possessed by multiple demons, but is now fought by children who have been taken from their homes and families and forced to kill. 

This war began in Northern Uganda but has now spread to the DR Congo, South Sudan, and Central African Republic. There were peace talks in response to the Invisible Children movement. But unfortunately Joseph Kony failed multiple times to show up for the signing of the Final Peace Agreement in late 2008. Instead, one month later on December 24th, 2008, the LRA launched a retaliatory attack against the people of DR Congo. On Christmas Day 2008 in apparent desperation and a renewed will to spread terror to DR Congo, the LRA murdered over six hundred and abducted more than one hundred and sixty children to fight amongst its ranks. More than 104,000 Congolese have been displaced since Christmas in attempts to escape the LRA forces.

Because of the LRA, countless innocents in Uganda, DR Congo, South Sudan, and Central African Republican live every day in fear. They have been abducted, forced to kill or made sex slaves. They have watched as their families have been violently murdered in front of their very eyes. They have been massacred and mutilated. And worst of all, they are being neglected by the rest of the world…

…But not us. No matter how long it takes we will not give up on these children. That’s why Invisible Children has planned a new event. On April 25th, 100 cities in 10 countries will unite in abducting ourselves to free these children.

For those of us in Nashville:
We will meet at Centennial Park at 3pm. We will leave a photo of our families there to symbolize being taken from them. Then we will march as a group, in a single file line holding on to a rope, to Capitol Park where we will wait to be rescued. In order for us to be rescued, first, an approved media outlet must show up and cover the event. Second, we must arrange for the attendance of at least one pre-determined cultural or political leader.

If this is something you would be willing to participate in please go to http://therescue.invisiblechildren.com/en/ to find out more info, and sign up.

The Price Of Salvation

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how great my God is. I’m constantly messing up, and yet He accepts me as I am, doesn’t give up on me, and keeps helping me grow into the person I need to be. And not only that, but He sent His son to die so that you and I could have life!
Now here’s the main point of my blog:
John 3:16 is a classic and well known bible verse, but it’s so nicely put that it doesn’t illustrate the magnitude of the sacrifice that had to take place for us to be saved.

First point: Jesus was God’s ONLY son and a part of Him, dying for a bunch of ungrateful idiots.

Let’s start at the beginning of humanity with Adam and Eve:
God not only created them, but He also created a whole beautiful world for them to live forever in. He only gave them one guideline, to not eat from a certain tree. And of course, as we humans usually do (we can’t be grateful or satisfied with all of the wonderful things we have, and often focus on the one thing we can’t have), they thanked God for His amazing gift by doing the one thing He told them not to do. Not only that, but the “reason” they ate from the tree was because, instead of the God who had given them this amazing gift, they listened to some ugly little snake.

Fast forward to the Moses days:
God rescued His people from slavery, split a huge body of water in half for them to walk through, dropped food out of the sky for them when they were hungry. And how did THEY thank Him for those things? By getting mad at Him and making themselves other gods to worship instead. Sound familiar?

We have constantly let Him down and treated Him like crap throughout history, yet He still wanted SO badly to be with us that He was willing to send His perfect son, who had never let Him down, to die for us.

Second point: “Die” is a  understatement. (This part gets a little graphic.)

Jesus didn’t just die a painless death in His sleep. He died the most painful death known to man, and then some.
The Romans didn’t just kill people, they were constantly trying to find ways to make death more painful and torturous. Death was like a sport to them, a quick death was boring so they found ways to prolong the suffering as long as possible.

Here’s a little timeline for you: (Hint: When reading each of these things, remember that these people are the very people He came to save.)

• Jesus is arrested (He is most likely given no food or drink beyond this point)
• Jesus is condemned to death by the people He came to save.
• Jesus is flogged, making His back raw exposed flesh, and given a crown of thorns.
• Jesus is spit on and struck on the head multiple times with a staff.
• Jesus (already hungry, thirsty, in extreme pain, and exhausted) is made to carry His own cross.
• Jesus is bound to the cross by stakes going through His hands and feet.
• Jesus has to adjust from time to time. If He pulls himself up, He can relieve the nerve pain a little, but eventually His muscles get tired and He moves back down. Each time He does this He is dragging the raw flesh of His back against the wood of the cross.
• Jesus is constantly mocked and insulted throughout this whole time by the soldiers, the robbers on either side of Him, and the people watching.
• Despite the pain that Jesus is in, He asks God to forgive them. This is extremely painful because of how hard it is for Him to breathe while on the cross.
• And lastly, when the sins of the world are put on Jesus, His father God can no longer look upon Him, and He cries out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”.

Our salvation is not to be taken for granted. Neither are all of the many other blessings God has given us.

That’s all, I’m done.